


My Love, She Keeps Me Warm

by wabadabadaba



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 22:03:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wabadabadaba/pseuds/wabadabadaba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has a hard time figuring out who he is and Niall definitely doesn't help matters any.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Love, She Keeps Me Warm

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU in which Harry is a transgender. If you don't like that then don't read this. Also, I don't actually know anything about the transitioning process. I did a little bit of research but lets just say all the things I say regarding the surgery process is wrong. Title is from the song Same Love by Macklemore.
> 
> One more thing, this hasn't been beta'd so any mistakes are all mine.

Harry never felt right in his own skin but he never knew what to do about it. When he was very young his older sister would make him play dolls and dress up with her and he absolutely loved it; anytime they were going to play together he would request to play with her dolls or dress up. When he started going to school he was teased mercilessly because he was more feminine than the other little boys. Just because he didn't like getting dirty or bugs or other traditional boy things doesn't make him a freak, at least he didn't think so. The more he showed his feminine side the more he was tormented so he quickly realized that he needed to reevaluate how he acted in school.

He started wearing more masculine clothes and even started playing sports and picking up worms on the playground teasing girls and all the other things the other little boys did. He found that he was fitting in when he did these things even if it felt wrong but fitting in was better than being bullied so he kept at it. As he got older he was still feeling like he wasn’t in the right body but he didn’t know how to express those feelings because he was sure that he was a freak. He decided to do some experimenting one night and figured out that he is wildly attracted to gays. After some time and not very good hiding, he came out to his family who accepted him with open arms. Even after coming out as being gay the “title” didn’t seem to fit him, he still didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin but he knew he wasn’t straight. 

It wasn’t until one day when no one else was home he ventured into his older sister’s room and decided to mess around with his make-up that he finally felt right. Knowing he would stretch out Gemma’s clothes he tried on a blouse his mom had that he knew he wouldn’t stretch and he was so overcome with emotions that he had to fell to the floor in tears. He stayed there for hours until Gemma came home and heard his sobs, she ran into the room shocked and confused but comforted him the best she could. Harry didn’t want to talk about it for some time but finally decided he needed to tell someone because he couldn’t get over how right it felt to be in the shirt and have the make up on. Gemma didn’t fully understand but she’s never seen her brother so confused and sad and afraid before so she decided to help him explore his options of trying on feminine clothes. One day when his parents were out Gemma did his make-up and put him in a dress. Harry spent the whole day in it feeling amazing and beautiful and like for once in his life he was who he was meant to be. Their parents came home earlier than expected and walked in on Gemma doing Harry’s nails and at first they laughed but with Gemma’s help Harry confessed all of his feelings about how right it feels being a girl.

As a family they decided it was best if Harry stayed presented as a male while in school so he didn’t get tormented but he could dress as a girl all he wanted while he was in their house and even at family gatherings if he was comfortable enough for that. Throughout his final years of school he started growing out his hair and started shaving his legs, he even made Gemma buy him some girl clothes that would actually fit him. After Harry graduated he went to see some doctors about transitioning into being a female and after some conversation with his family they all agreed it was the right step. He took some steps for the process like taking medication and worked three jobs to save up enough money for the necessary surgeries. All during this time he was stepping out into the LGBT community and went to some group meetings for younger people dealing with coming out. There, Harry met a boy a couple years older than name by the name of Liam Payne who was having a hard time admitting he was gay. Harry and Liam hit it off immediately and started spending as much time together as they possibly could. 

Harry ended up getting a promotion at one of his jobs that gave him a raise and relocated him to London so Liam decided to go with him and together they lived in a small flat. They tested their limits with the LGBT community and went out to gay bars together and different gatherings. Harry still wasn’t very confident in presenting himself as a female in the day to day public but when he went out to the bars and clubs with Liam he always put on his make-up and his best dresses. He found so much acceptance in the community and he loved every single second of it. Months passed and he was finally approved to have the necessary surgeries to complete his transition. Once he had a date set he opened up to his boss about his lifestyle and his entire boss said was he hoped the surgery went well and maybe they could have a little party to celebrate it and to kind of tell people so he could start presenting himself as a woman in work. 

The date of the surgery finally arrived and Harry’s family drove to London for it, his sister and dad leaving a few days after to return to their regular schedules but Harry’s mom stayed to help her adjust and recover from the surgery. It took a month but Harry was finally able to be back on her feet and take care of herself and walk for long distances and it didn’t hurt her to sit down. It took her a bit of time to adjust to her new look but she loves it, and more importantly she loves herself more now. 

-

A couple months after her surgery Harry liked to think she was completely transitioned into the girl she wanted to be. Her hair was long and curly, she knew how to do her make up for a day look and a night look and she had clothes to fit her, she even had bras (Gemma took Harry to Victoria Secret for a fitting and told the clerk her little sister needed help and Harry cried because he never thought Gemma would say that and look so proud). All in all, Harry felt great and she wasn’t afraid to go out in public anymore presented as a woman. After work one day Harry walked to the tube station, excited to be home and off her feet for the night. She had her headphones in so she wasn’t paying attention to anyone or anything which is why it was a surprise to her when someone sat down next to her on the train and tapped her shoulder. She turned to face whoever it was and was shocked, seeing a boy who tormented her in school. 

“Hey,” the boy, Niall greeted. “You alright?”

Harry squirmed in her seat, fiddling with the headphones in her hands, “Yes.”

“I’m Niall by the way.” Niall greeted with a charming smile but Harry was too scared to be fooled.

“Uhm, I’m Harry.”

Niall scrunched up his nose, “Interesting name for a girl, yeah?”

Harry chuckled, “My mom thought I was a boy.” She responded which wasn’t a complete lie. 

Niall let out a loud laugh, his head tipped back in response, “That’s crazy!” 

Harry laughed, “Yeah, I know.”

“So what are you up to today?” 

Harry has never been chatted up before like this and she isn’t sure how to respond since it is someone from school who doesn’t seem to recognize her.

“I just got off work and I’m just headed to my flat.”

“Oh, so you’re not busy tonight?”

Harry’s heart raced, “I am, actually. I’ve got to cook my flat mate dinner or he’ll go starving.”

“Boyfriend?” Niall asked.

Harry shook her head, “No, definitely not.”

“So why don’t you come on out for drinks with me?”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Niall sighed but didn’t stop trying, “Alright well how about a number before I have to leave this train.”

“Uhm…” Harry trailed off.

“Awe come on love, please?” Niall pouted.

“Okay sure.” 

Harry gave Niall her number who thanked her with a kiss to her cheek before getting off at the next stop. For the remainder of Harry’s train ride she nearly thought she was going to have an anxiety attack and she was definitely regretting what she did. She rushed home and once she stepped foot in her flat she was calling out to Liam. 

“Leeyum! I need to talk to you! You will never guess what happened! I ran into a boy from school-“ Harry stopped walking once she realized there was someone else in the flat who happened to be sitting in Liam’s lap. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company. I’ll just be in my room.”

Harry didn’t mean to get teary eyed, she really didn’t but everything that happened was just making her worry to her core and she didn’t know what to do-she just needed her best friend. 

“Harry, what’s wrong? You look like you’re crying.” Liam set the boy in his lap onto the sofa as he walked up to her.

“I’m fine, it’s fine. Are you hungry? Is your boy hungry?”

Liam’s face flushed, “He’s not, Harry no.”

“I’m Louis and I am hungry.”

Harry grinned, “It’s my night to cook dinner, won’t you stay?”

Louis smiled and nodded, “I would love to.”

Harry smiled at Liam, “Great, let me just change and I’ll start dinner.” 

Harry winked at Liam before leaving the room and changing into some lounge clothes. As Harry cooked Liam and Louis sat at the bar and chatted with her, Louis and Harry getting along well enough that made Liam incredibly happy. Harry felt so comfortable around the two that she decided to tell them what happened on the train. The thing about Niall is that he was one of the main boys to torment Harry throughout her years growing up. He always said the rudest, cruelest things usually making Harry cry on the daily basis. To put it simply Niall was her bully and because of this information Louis thought it was a good idea to use this as revenge but Liam thought it was a good idea to use this as a learning experience for Niall. Either way Harry didn’t know what to do, she definitely didn’t know what to do when Niall texted her a couple days later asking if she wanted to go out. After talking to Gemma during her break at work, Harry finally decided to turn Niall down.

Niall wasn’t pleased but Harry didn’t want to interact with anyone from her past and although it was awkward turning him down Harry knew it had to be done. Niall still didn’t stop texting her though and she didn’t know how to be rude and completely shut him down so she would randomly reply which seemed enough for her. Harry hoped that she would only have to communicate with Niall through random, bored texts but Louis invited Liam and her to a party at his flat and of course Niall had to be there with his best friend, Zayn, who happened to be best friends with Louis. Honestly, Harry wanted to cry or hide and maybe both. When Louis realized what Niall Harry was actually talking about Louis swore up and down on his and Liam’s sex life that Niall was that that boy. He grew up and he was a different person, one of the sweetest and most compassionate boys Louis has known. 

Harry didn’t listen to Louis, she couldn’t listen to him. Because the same boy who called her a faggot and kicked her in the balls until she passed out could not have turned completely around and be a sweetheart. It’s just not possible. Just having to remember those horrible things he did to her and being in the same room as him made Harry’s heart ache which ended in her leaving the party early and blocking Niall’s number. Harry tried her hardest to stay in control of her emotions but she couldn’t help but fall into a habit of staying in her room when she wasn’t working and watching horrible American reality TV shows. After a week Harry was tired of this and dragged Harry out of bed and to a small get together Louis was having.

“I honestly don’t see how this is going to help anything because Niall is going to be there and I don’t want to be there. You don’t understand the torment he put me through!” 

“You really don’t think I understand?” Liam asked glancing at Harry who instantly remembered the many nights they talked about being bullied. 

“I’m sorry Liam, I know you do probably better than anyone. I just…how am I supposed to be around someone who did so many cruel things?” 

“You have to forgive him.”

“Forgive him? Liam, you can’t expect me to do that..” Harry trailed off. 

“I’m not saying you should or can tonight, I’m just saying in time you should. It’s not good holding onto pain like that.”

Harry sighed but didn’t know what else to say so she just remained silent for the remaining time on the train and until they arrived at Louis’ flat. Upon arrival Louis gave Liam a big kiss which Harry was still getting used to if she was honest and she could hear Niall’s laughter coming from the living room. Harry could feel herself tensing and her heart started racing and she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to run out the door but she was sure Liam would kill her if she ever attempted something like that. So instead she accepted a beer and followed the couple into the living room. When Liam said small get together he really meant it because there were only five of them; Harry, Niall, Zayn, Louis and Liam. They all decided to order some pizza and play a Disney drinking game. 

Harry was surprised because even beyond her drunken happiness she could tell Niall really did change. He was funny and sure he cracked jokes but there was no malicious intent behind his words. He was charming and lovely and he was just so attractive. He was always laughing, either at his own joke or someone else’s joke. Harry could tell he really did change but she didn’t know what to do with that. So she just took as it is and unblocked his number from her phone. Although she was wary Harry decided to go to more of these hang outs and she found herself really starting to like Niall. Louis and Liam were right, Niall did change but Harry still wasn’t sure what to do with this change. She couldn’t forget what he did to her, there was no way but she wasn’t sure if she could forgive him either. 

It took a couple more months but the truth behind their past finally came to light at another small party at Louis’. They were playing a game of truth or dare and they were all pretty tipsy at this point. The bottle spun on Niall who decided to pick truth since the last three chances he had he picked dare. 

“What is the one thing you regret most in life?” Zayn asked the blond boy. 

Niall didn’t say anything for a moment before sighing, “I bullied this kid in school, his name was Harry actually. My friends peer pressured me which wasn’t an excuse but I bullied him because he was gay.” 

Harry’s eyes widened as her heart started racing and she could feel Louis and Liam’s stare on her but she tried not to give anything away. 

“I grew up in a really religious family and at the time I thought being gay was wrong, I thought gay people were going to hell. My friends all thought the same way so when this feminine, gay kid came out and I don’t think he ever did, word just spread. I bullied him. I made comments all the time, any time I saw him I was yelling something horrible at him. It escalated to violence shortly after, I broke his nose, I kicked his balls, I stuffed him in his locker. I was horrible, just absolutely horrible to him.”

At this point Harry was silently crying and she couldn’t decide if she wanted to run away or stay and hear Niall out who seemed to be pretty broken up about it.

“I got the idea from Breakfast cub but I found out Harry was in football and I made one of his teammates tape his ass together.” Harry let out a choked sob but Niall continued. “I just can’t believe I was such a monster. I did so many horrible things to him and he didn’t deserve it. I wish I could apologize for everything I did, I don’t deserve his forgiveness but I wish I could just tell him.” Niall sighed again, “Anyway that’s my biggest regret.”

“I forgive you.” Harry spoke through her cries.

Niall looked at Harry like she was crazy, “What?”

“Niall…” Harry started to say but she was crying too hard to really say anything. 

Zayn and Niall looked at each other completely confused and lost but Louis and Liam knew exactly what was going on. Liam went to Harry’s side and tried to get her to stand up so they could go to another room but she pulled away from Liam’s touch.

“No, no!” she yelled. “He needs to know!”

“Harry, maybe now isn’t the right time.” Liam said trying to help Harry.

“Liam please…” Harry whispered.

Liam sighed and gave in, “Louis, Zayn lets go get some drinks.”

“You’re leaving?” Harry asked.

“This is something that has to happen between you two, not all of us. Boys, now.”

Upon hearing Liam’s stern voice Louis and Zayn followed Liam out of the room leaving a very confused Niall and a crying Harry. 

“What’s going on?” Niall asked.

“Niall,” Harry whispered not knowing where to start. “I’m the Harry from school.”

Niall’s eyes went wide, “What?”

Harry nodded, “I’m the same Harry, Niall. I had Mrs. Kaylor for science with you.” Harry said as proof.

Niall gasped, “H..Harry?”

Harry nodded, “It’s true that I was feminine but that’s because I’m transgender. I didn’t realize it until my junior year but I didn’t want to start the transition while in school so I waited. I grew out my hair and got the surgery done so I’m a girl now.”

Niall was silent for a while before finally speaking up, “Why wouldn’t you tell me on the train?”

“How was I supposed to tell you then?” Harry asked. “I turned you down because I knew who you are…who you were and that’s why I never gave into your pursuits.”

Niall rubbed his forehead still trying to wrap his mind around everything, “So you’re a girl? Are you gay?”

Harry sighed, “Yes I’m a girl and because I am a girl, I am not gay because I am attracted to men not girls.” 

Again Niall fell silent obviously trying to understand everything and Harry wished he would just understand so she could tell him that she forgives him for everything he did. Before she could however Niall was standing up and making his excuses before leaving Louis’ flat. Harry sat there unsure of what to do but it almost seemed as if everything hit her at once and she started sobbing again and she could hardly breathe and all she knew was that she wanted to get out of there. So when the other boys came back to the living room Harry requested that she would be taken home and Liam didn’t even hesitate in helping her up as Louis called them a cab so they wouldn’t have to try to make the train.

After that night Harry was unbelievably confused because she did nothing wrong, she simply told the truth which made Niall leave the flat. She thought he was sorry for what he did and once he was able to confront the person he hurt so badly he ran away and Harry truly didn’t understand. She was hurt and confused and she thought she was ready to forgive Niall but now, now she isn’t sure. 

A week after the truth or dare game, Harry was just settling into bed after a long work day when there was a knock on the door. Thinking it was Liam who forgot his key Harry rushed to the door only to see Niall looking awfully ashamed.

“Niall, what are you doing here?”

“I came to talk.”

“Are you sure you’re not just going to run away again?” Harry asked, regretting it the second the question left her lips.

“I promise, please Harry?”

Harry sighed and allowed Niall into her flat, leading him to the living room so they could sit comfortably.

“I’m sorry for walking out the other night. I just wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting to finally apologize to the boy…girl who I tormented all those years.”

“Niall, I heard you that night you don’t have to say anything else.”

“No, Harry please, let me do this.” Harry sighed and nodded, “I’m so sorry Harry, I’m so so sorry. You don’t have to forgive in fact I don’t want you to. I did so many horrible things to you and I regret them so much. I wanted to find you after we graduated but I didn’t know where to find you and to be honest it took me a while to realize what I did was wrong and by that point I thought it was too late.” Niall spoke tears filling his eyes. “You’re such a beautiful person Harry and I’m deeply sorry for everything. You didn’t deserve anything I did to you. You were so kind and smart and just the right bit of cheeky.” Niall said making Harry laugh despite her tears. “I’m sure you were going through enough trying to figure out who you were and I definitely didn’t help. I’m sorry I didn’t help you, I’m sorry I didn’t stand up to my friends and family and stop the cycle. You’ve grown up to be such a great person, Harry. You’re so successful and you’ve only gotten smarter and you’re so kind and not to mention beautiful. God, you’re really sexy.” Niall admitted. “But this isn’t what that’s about. I am truly sorry for making your life a living hell and I will do anything to make it up to you.”

“You did horrible things to me and you did make my life a living hell but I forgive you, I won’t forget but I forgive you. You’ve changed, I didn’t want to believe it at first when Louis and Liam told me but you have changed. And knowing you not only changed your behavior but your thoughts on gay people or the LGBT community means a lot to me. You recognize you were a little cunt back then and I really do believe you when you say you’re sorry and I forgive you Niall, I forgive you.”

Niall who likes to think he’s a manly man couldn’t help but cry a little once he heard Harry forgive him. He wrapped Harry in his arms and held her tight; trying to transfer everything he was feeling into the hug. It would take a little longer for them to be completely comfortable around each other again. Because now they had to interact knowing the truth about each other but Harry doesn’t regret forgiving Niall, she knows he’s changed just like he knows she did as well. After their talk and the first few hang outs they actually found out they have a lot in common and while they knew it would take a while they knew they would be good friends.

-

It took a while but eventually Harry decided she really wanted to date Niall, she got over the weirdness of dating an ex-bully and focused on wanting to date the cute boy with the Irish accent. Harry knew Niall would be too nervous to actually ask Harry out again so Harry did the asking and ended up taking Niall on the first date. It was perfect and ended up the best kiss either of them have ever had. Niall started taking Harry out on dates which led to dating for three years which eventually led to Niall proposing to Harry who whispered a quiet yes but yelled ‘I do’ at their wedding. Niall vowed to Harry that he would live every one of this days making sure Harry felt loved and Harry vowed to Niall to make sure he keeps growing into a remarkable man.


End file.
